Less is More. More or Less. 

Is marriage counseling ever successful? Outwardly, it seems the goal of marriage counseling is to save the marriage…to repair, or resolve the problems in the relationship. But, in our sessions it becomes a ping pong match of tattle telling by adults. Each point is played out with exaggeration and drama.

It’s the game of Adults Behaving Badly.

During the week, whenever communicating with the husband I actually think to myself, “Oh this will be brought up in counseling. He will tell on me now.”

I often wonder what is worse…our actual arguing and lack of companionship, intimacy, friendship or having to discuss these things in great detail to another person?

The best way to deal with daily life is less communication. That means less opportunity to be misunderstood, less chance for opposing viewpoints, heated debates, sarcastic remarks…. Less time together at social events, less going to movies or out to dinner together. The sad reality is less togetherness is more. More harmonious, more peaceful, more convenient.

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We’ve Come so Far but Here We Are

Only five years in and one baby. Almost exactly half of my first failed marriage. My Ex left me. He broke my heart. It was a pain so deep and raw, I would negotiate whether to step in front of passing traffic, every day for months. The convincing reason not to was a therapist’s warning, “children do not get over a parent’s suicide.” This time it’s different. We sit in the counselor’s office. I feel spent. Done. I want it to stop. The excuses. Lies. I never signed up to marry a sex addict. He promised to get help and he did: a counselor and the Sex Addicts Anonymous program. I was forgiving. Understanding. Patient, even. For years. I believed the unbelievable: Undershirts from overnight business trips that have lipstick marks and makeup residue on them; social media sites with contact lists like AIM and WhatsApp on his computer and iPhone; his need to have his phone in his pocket or at bedside or in the bathroom with him; and, among other things, he finds a reason to spend a large chunk of time away from home every day. The expectations are clearly different for me. If I run an errand or want to see a movie that doesn’t interest him, he questions me relentlessly about who I am going with, where I’m going, when I’ll be back, and every meticulous detail. He’ll even call and text while I’m out! I’m not the sex addict. I’ve never betrayed his trust. Trust seems to be the foundation for a loving relationship. Without trust, I’m finding it difficult to like him or spend time with him. Can marriage counseling help what seems insurmountable?

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Stop. Drop. And, Roll.

The lights are dim. The music is loud. My mind is numb. I want to feel touched. Touched by anyone. ANYone. Please. Where have you been all my life? Don’t go away. Don’t leave me. Ever. My bed is so soft. I sink into it. Soooo comfy. Why haven’t I felt this before? Drifting off…

Electric banana

Obama vs. Romney. Election Day 2012. Voting is instrumental to the future of this nation. Regardless of your opinion in candidates, it is important to vote. In fact, local government issues can have a greater impact on you, your home, your family, your streets, your crime rate, your schools, your property taxes, your sales taxes and your courts than national politics. Now is your chance to vote for president as well as your local politicians and amendments.

And so…

…it begins. My first blog entry. The Future is now. Watch Out!